Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I have post one night stand depression
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