Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
