the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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