I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
