So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
