Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
