So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
