Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I want a musical about memes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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