Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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