That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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