So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
