Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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