..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
