I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
