took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
