At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
