Non-Jews are for practice
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
