I checked into jail on foursquare
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
