Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
