when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
