Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize