You can't motorboat a personality
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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