i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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