Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
