he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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