I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
