the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
