Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
