The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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