Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
