i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The best revenge is premature balding
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
