New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
