I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
