We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
