i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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