everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
