TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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