In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
