just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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