she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
