Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
