Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
