do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
