She said her name was "party"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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