do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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