my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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