4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
