So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
