On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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