so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
