I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
