What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
