Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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