Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
