WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
