Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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