Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
