It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
