I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
