I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
