I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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