According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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