im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
