Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
