The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
