the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
