Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
