whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
