I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
