im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
