I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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